Reassigned
by vivalablond
Summary: "I've been emotionally compromised." She tells herself that leaving Barton is for the best, but deep down, knows she's only a coward and can't face him after realizing she's loved him all this time.


"What do you mean you want a different partner?!"

She's standing in Fury's office, bracing herself against the outburst she knows is about to happen. Fury, _Barton calls him "the lion"_, rises from his chair so fast, _and_ _ she fights the urge to smile as she envisions a ferocious lion ready to attack_. A silly picture she quickly shoves out of the way, _Barton's rubbed off on her more than she likes to admit_, as she focuses on the rather serious issue at hand.

"Are you joking with me, Romanov?" Fury demands.

"No sir."

"Because you know I don't take jokes very well."

"I know that, sir."

She stands with her hands glued to her sides, back so straight it would make Mistress Pavelovsky proud. The only thing she's learned from that year spent in etiquette school.

"Do you know how valuable you two are? You're worth more together than as individuals. No other agents work as flawlessly as you guys do. You're pairing is absolutely indispensable to S.H.I.E.L.D."

She knows she should cherish his words, the closest he's ever gotten to paying her a compliment of any kind, but all she can think of, all she can hear cutting through the tense, electrifying silence in Fury's office is

_Barton screaming in the middle of the night._

All she can see is

_His face wet with tears, body sweating and glistening in the moonlight._

"What's this about, Agent Romanov?" Fury finally decides that this isn't some sick prank Colson's pulling on him. He takes slow deliberate steps toward the red headed assassin. Natasha swallows.

"We...had a fight." She winces, knowing how stupid the words sound as soon as they come out. Fury blinks at her.

"Don't tell me you're leaving Agent Barton because you two had a _spat_." He spits the last word out in her face. She doesn't flinch, knowing she'll have to come up with a better answer.

But she knows Fury. And he knows her. There's really no other option, no way he'll believe her. She has to tell him the truth.

"I've been...compromised." Her voice drops along with her gaze. She hadn't anticipated exactly how much this admission would pain her. It's so incredibly agonizing, her insides twisting, her head spinning.

_He's doubled over, his back shuddering with silent sobs. She's reaching out a hand, touching his arm. He recoils at her touch, as if it burns, as if he doesn't recognize it, and she thinks nothing has ever hurt her so bad._

She was wrong.

"How so?" Fury squints at her.

This is far more excruciating. Having to explain and give reason for her decision. It's taking all her strength to be vulnerable in front of Fury.

She shifts her stance and folds her arms across her chest, can't help feeling more than a little intimidated by his fierce glare.

"Emotionally." She manages to mutter through clenched teeth. A wave of embarrassment nearly knocks her off her feet. Of all the things she hates, feeling humiliated is the worst.

Fury clamps his jaw shut, a nerve in his neck popping out. He's speechless for the first time in a while and it frustrates him to no end. He runs a hand over his face, careful not to mess with his eye patch, and clears his throat.

"Surely these same feelings can only help you in your missions together.' He tries suggesting. She shoots him a death glare and he knows he's missing something here, but goes on anyway. "It'll make you both more wary of each others' safety. I'm sure you'll both work better as a team if you...care about each other in that way." She can tell this conversation is killing him as much as it's killing her.

"Sorry, sir, I'm afraid I have to disagree." Her fists clench at her sides. "These _feelings_," she can't help cringing, "are not mutual. And it's far more distracting on my part than helpful. I-We can't afford to mess up any missions. I'd rather he..." Her gaze drops to the floor and she looks sad for a brief moment. "I'd rather he be partnered with someone else."

"And waste years of training?" Fury's at it again, anger flaring up inside him. "Yours is an invaluable partnership..."

She tunes out his voice and remembers

_'It's the boy, isn't it?' She's whispering, tracing circles on his bare back with her hands. He's come back to reality and gladly welcomes her comforting touch. _

_"Why did I have to kill him, Tasha?" His voice breaks at her name and she uses it as an excuse to wrap her arms around his waist. Their missions had gone wrong before, but they only affected him like this when young children were involved. Natasha was the only one who knew about the death of his little brother. Clint, who'd still been in the circus at the time, had witnessed the murder of his younger brother before his very eyes._

_'Have you ever been compromised like this before?' He asks, straining to speak. Every time we're on a mission and you're life is threatened, she wants to say._

_'You know I have.' She mutters in response. And that's when she knows. That's when she decides to head back to headquarters as soon as possible and demand to be given a different partner before it's too late for the both of them._

"We don't have the time to train up a new team before this next big mission." Fury's voice draws her back to the present once again.

"If you keep us together, I'll sabotage _every_ mission." She threatens.

"We can't replace the team you and Barton make up! I've never seen two people more in touch with each other's strengths and weaknesses."

"You'll find someone else for him." She states firmly. "He'll form the same kind of bond he did with me in no time at all." She doesn't believe it, doesn't want to think about it, but she needs to sell the idea in order for it to happen. Anger burns in the pit of her stomach and Fury takes a few steps back when he looks at her. Something about her expression settles the question once and for all. She's made up her mind.

"I'll tell Barton you've resigned and asked for another partner."

"Thank you." She tilts her head in a slight bow.

* * *

_They had come back to their cheap hotel in Nepal, had just settled into the creaky bed, exhausted after a long mission, when Clint automatically turned towards Natasha and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close._

_She felt a chill run down her spine._

_Clint only huddled when something was bothering him, a subconscious monster that always reared it's ugly head sooner or later. _

_"Tasha..." He whispers, his breath warm on her neck, his voice laden with unsaid words._

_"Shh..." She shushes him before they can spill out. "You know the rule. No discussing the mission until morning."_

_He complies and they drift off to sleep and it's only when he wakes the both of them up in the middle of the night with his screaming, that she begins to really panic._

_After several attempts at comforting him, she finally gets to the root of the problem._

_"It's the boy isn't it?"..._

_He won't talk anymore about it and, a__t some point in the night, gets up to stand by the open window, leaning against the wall. She can't sleep either so she follows after him, snaking her hands around his waist._

_"It's okay to let yourself feel, Clint." She assures him, her voice sturdy and patient._

_"I'm sorry, Tasha, I-" His back is shuddering again and she squeezes tighter._

_"You don't need to apologize." She says quietly._

_They stand that way for no more than 15 minutes, but it feels like hours, and she's feeling herself falling asleep, eyelids heavy and drooping._

_"You ready to come back to bed?" She asks him. He takes in a deep breath and nods._

_She'll later claim it was the extreme drowsiness that causes her to momentarily ignore her inhibitions as she leans in to kiss his shoulder, too sleepy to realize how intimate such an act really was for the both of them. They were close to each other, knew each other better than anyone, yet even they had unspoken lines they wouldn't allow themselves to cross. She forgets all of that as her lips linger a little longer on his warm skin. She turns away and he follows her back to the bed, shuddering for completely different reasons than before. The spot on his shoulder burns from the touch of her mouth. She falls asleep so instantly, he's sorry he's woken her in the first place. _

_The next day she was back at headquarters in Fury's office._

* * *

"What shall I tell Barton when he asks for your reasons?"

"Nothing." _This is all for the best. She has to distance herself from him. This is the only way she knows how. She tells herself she's leaving for the sake of his safety, when deep down, she knows it's only because she's a coward and can't face him after she realizes she's loved him all this time._ "Tell him nothing."

"He's going to be mad, Romanov. Be ready to explain yourself." He says as she leaves the room.


End file.
